


Storytelling

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mass Effect 2, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7298596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan is no stranger to questions about the Normandy SR-1 and its infamous commander. Somehow, it's never an easy conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storytelling

“I heard that ship was state-of-the-art. Is that true?”

“Was it really the only one in the fleet that was designed in a partnership with turians? I was always skeptical. I don’t see how that would work after the First Contact War and everything.”

A slow, steady nod was all the excited young recruits received in answer to their questions and comments. Kaidan had been down this road many times before, and had answered hundreds of inquiries about the infamous ship he’d served on not so long ago. It was astonishing how much excitement could be generated by mentioning the Normandy’s name. He could hardly believe that he’d been a part of it. “As far as I know, yes, she was the only one designed that way and she was something else.”

“So it really couldn’t be detected by anything but a visual scan?” The young man was so fascinated with the recent discovery of the biotic’s past that he’d nearly forgotten to eat his food.

If the vessel in question had been truly undetectable, the frigate wouldn’t have been destroyed and he certainly wouldn’t have been sitting with starry-eyed soldiers-in-training in the mess like this. He’d be aboard the Normandy still, gallivanting across the universe righting wrongs and various other fairy tale nonsense. All things considered, Kaidan elected to keep the mood light. “Just about. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than anything I’ve ever seen before or since.”

“Wait, did you serve under Anderson? Or Shepard?” Even as the question left the young recruit’s lips, his friend nearly choked at the mention of the second name. Again, this shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. This was the turn the conversation always seemed to take.

“Well… both.” Kaidan smirked a bit, knowing that this was the part where–

“What was she like?”

“Was she as tough as she seemed? If rumors are true, she must have killed a heck of a lot of people.”

Kaidan scratched the back of his neck as he considered how he intended to answer. The display was a nervous tick, he knew, but none of these people had learned to really identify it as such, at least. He needed to think long and hard about the answers, knowing that her reputation hinged on the wording of his response. He’d die before he’d let anyone think less of the Commander than she deserved.

“She was one of the most dedicated, talented soldiers I’ve ever encountered,” he began, wanting to gush about the wonders of Commander Shepard, but knowing that his viewpoint was skewed and, well, completely inappropriate. “She was tough, but she’d listen to reason. She saved a lot more people than she killed, and don’t let anyone tell you different.”

Kaidan couldn’t help the wistful smile that had spread across his lips at the thought of his brief experiences with the Commander. While it caused him immeasurable pain to discuss their relationship as being so casual and distant, he had no problem bragging about how amazing she was. He’d at least come to deeply appreciate their time together, despite it being unfairly short.

“I saw the vids. She went up against some crazy odds,” one of the young soldiers commented.

“She did,” he agreed, with a knowing nod. Shepard was nothing if not daring. He’d been dragged into more than his fair share of ambushes and impromptu battlefields, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. Now, as he glanced at his two enraptured subordinates, he realized that his life had become relatively quiet and stable. He remembered many times where he wished they could just slow down and rest. Now the he’d had the chance to do so, he was itching to get out there and cause some havoc. Unfortunately, a huge driving force in the form of a small, feisty woman was gone. It simply wouldn’t have been the same.

“Sir? You still with us?” One young recruit asked as he waved a hand in Kaidan’s line of sight.

The other was oblivious to the loss of focus. He simply continued excitedly, realizing that the man in front of him had actually met and served under Commander Shepard. “You know, she was the main reason I signed up in the first place. I had a huge crush on her.”

Kaidan chuckled. He could certainly sympathize. He’d known he was a goner from the moment they’d met. Even when he’d tried to ignore the attraction and deny his feelings, it was a pointless and uphill battle. It had been almost too easy to fall in love with her.

“Wait,” the more observant of the two interrupted as he seemed to piece things together. “Were you on the Normandy when it went down?”

Kaidan paused as he stared into his coffee cup. He wondered every single time this came up, why it was so hard to respond to the simplest questions. He’d been there. He knew the answers. It had been over a year since that horrible day, but Kaidan was burdened with reliving it in his nightmares quite frequently. He heard the noise, saw the smoke, and experienced the heartbreak vividly, as though it had just happened yesterday. “Yeah. I was.”

“So, she went down with the ship, right? That was the report at first, but then everything just sorta… went quiet after a while,” the young soldier stared off into the distance as he searched his memory, but he was right. The accounts of what happened over Alchera were muddled, at best. “Did you see her before you had to abandon ship? I would have forced her to come with me.”

The ache in Kaidan’s chest didn’t let up, but he chuckled. “No one forced Shepard to do anything. Ever.”

These recruits hadn’t known her. They didn’t realize how stubborn she could be. They had no idea how hard she tried to do the right thing, no matter how difficult it might have been. They couldn’t have wrapped their minds around those final moments, when she’d given him an order, knowing it would save him, and took a gamble for herself.

“I wonder what would have happened if she’d lived.” It was a simple enough thought, voiced by a recruit who didn’t know the weight of the words.

“Life would be different,” Kaidan responded, desperately trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart.

Time heals all wounds, they always said. So why didn’t it feel like his were healing?


End file.
